Bad Romance: The Dos & Don’ts of Proposing

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Romance Gone Awry | Indie Bliss.com

She loves him. He loves her. So she gets down on bended knee in front of his grandmother (who doesn’t speak a word of English) and asks him to marry her! He–being very traditional–gets down on his own knee and re-proposes. Grandma doesn’t need to speak the language to understand the language of love!

This is a true story–it’s how my best friend ended up getting hitched. She asked him and then he turned around and asked, her and they lived happily ever after, as they say. But not everyone is so lucky. There are many things that can go wrong when popping the big question…

Romance Gone Awry | Indie Bliss.com

If she’s a big gesture person, then by all means do it up right! But there’s nothing more awkward for a stadium full of fans than when the camera pans to the girl who looks as though she’s never been to a sporting event before. Cue the knee bend, the jumbotron, the pressure of thousands in the crowd watching and many more thousands who might be watching at home. She says no, and storms off in tears. And, scene. If you don’t believe me, simply search “marriage proposals gone wrong” on YouTube and you’ll find more videos than you can watch in a day.

What went wrong? Plenty. But for starters, is this a proposal with her in mind? If she’s shy, she won’t want a spectacle. If you’re thinking of popping the question, start by asking yourself a few questions:

  • First, will she say yes? Wow, yeah, totally unromantic, I know. But if you just had a fight and you’re proposing as a “make up” strategy, you may want to re-think the plan…
  • Next, think about her. What does she like? Is she an introvert or an extrovert? If she loves being the center of attention, I can tell you (as a bona-fide diva myself) that she will love nothing more than a big elaborate proposal that is all about her. This might be something public, but it could easily be a grand private gesture like a scavenger hunt.

    I have a friend whose boyfriend flew her to Paris. This was a big clue that something big was coming but she didn’t know when. They explored the city together and for several days she thought, “This is it, he’ll do it now.” But being a clever gent, he waited until they sat to have lunch in a park and then laid it on her. All the anticipation had made the moment that much more exciting!

    To top it off, he had a friend of theirs follow them throughout Paris so they now have a scrapbook of candid and paparazzi-style photographs of their Parisian proposal adventure. Follow their lead–he combined travel (something she enjoys) with a big grand gesture (something she also enjoys). Thing she likes + thing she likes = recipe for success!

  • Do get your friends involved, like Jake Bronstein of the World Record Appreciation Society. Bronstein played an epic game of “telephone” succeeding in both asking his girlfriend to marry him and in creating the record for the World’s Longest Whisper Chain.

    • Romance Gone Awry | Indie Bliss.com

  • Don’t ask cop friends to raid your boat so you can pop the question, like Baltimore law-maker Jon Cardin. Cardin asked his buddies in the Baltimore police force to storm the boat he and his girlfriend were on so he could propose (which he did) during the commotion.

    • Do get creative on how to pull off an exciting proposal. Take a cue from Jason, who solicited Neil Gaiman, his girlfriend’s favorite author, to help him propose.

    Romance Gone Awry | Indie Bliss.com

  • Don’t set yourself on fire. I don’t care how romantic Todd Grannis thinks it was (or how much he’s convinced his girlfriend Malissa Kusiek that she liked the idea that she thought he was dead). Please, play good idea bad idea. Good idea, propose. Bad idea, light self on fire.
  • Above all else, stay calm and be yourself. You don’t have to go overboard and have the most elaborate proposal ever. You do have to keep the other person in mind and make sure that asking this person to marry YOU is about both of you. You don’t have to go above and beyond in order to get someone to say they do want to spend the rest of their life with you!


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