Avoiding the Rehearsal Dinner Blahs

The rehearsal dinner is a prime opportunity to actually get to spend some time with folks before the craziness of the wedding day sets in. But who should you invite? And what is the best way to get it all organized?

The wedding rehearsal itself is time set aside for the wedding party and parents only, but you’ll want to include other immediate family members at the rehearsal dinner. This should be a tranquil time before the hustle and bustle of the big day. Your wedding party will likely expect their significant others to attend the rehearsal dinner and you may want to invite certain out of town guests who have already arrived, especially if they are family or close friends. You should keep the number small, though–remember: you’re inviting all these other people to the wedding.

Traditionally, the responsibility for the rehearsal dinner falls on the groom’s side. Oftentimes, the parents of the groom will plan, host, and pay for the rehearsal dinner.

But who says you have to keep with tradition? Perhaps having parents of both the bride and groom plan the rehearsal dinner together can make for a fun way of getting to know one another. Maybe the groom is full of big ideas which are well suited to a fun, fancy-free rehearsal dinner. In reality, almost anyone can plan or host the rehearsal dinner as it is an informal gathering of the immediate family and wedding party.

You can use this time to give your bridesmaids and groomsmen gifts or to toast your friends, family, and parents. This is also a time for each of your parents to have an opportunity to give you a toast (especially if they aren’t doing so at the reception). The whole event should be a relaxed and low-key event centered on building the pre-wedding community.

What to do?

Rehearsal dinners are a great opportunity to incorporate things you really love (but may not be incorporating into your wedding). I’ve had two different couples who mixed trivia into their rehearsal dinners. One had a Family Feud where the groom’s side had to answer questions about the bride’s side and vice versa. The other hired a trivia company to come in and host an entire game! Are you the karaoke king and queen? Bring in a karaoke company or hold the dinner at your favorite singing spot.

Want to break the ice?

If your families don’t know each other well, you might want to make it easier to mix and mingle the next day. One less-cheesy ice breaker that I like is called topic tables–an idea that works well for wedding parties and other small groups. Instead of letting everyone sit where they want (where they will naturally segregate into family sides) set up each table with a different topic. Maybe one table is for anyone with a fall birthday. Another is for dog owners. Still another table could be titled “People Who Like to Travel.” This helps split everyone up and find commonalities. Before you know it, your families will be acting like old chums.

Working on a tight budget? Host a small gathering at a residence and make it a pot luck. Or a make your own pizza party. Have a wine tasting.

Don’t want to clean up? Have your dinner at a restaurant where someone else will do all the hosting, serving, and cleaning. If an organized party isn’t your thing, go casual with a barbeque or picnic. Have a squirt-gun fight. Play lawn games. Have a kickball game. Invite your guests to bring their vinyl collections and have everyone take turns playing DJ.

I’ve seen dinners featuring slideshows of photographs of the bride and groom that their siblings have worked together on. When my father was remarried, his bride hired an Elvis impersonator for their rehearsal, just like this Memphis couple:

The best dinners are full of gratitude. And if nothing says “rehearsal” to you like the King, well… then thank your guests. Thank them very much. Take this time to say thanks to your parents and the folks who have traveled far and wide to come see you and wish you well.

You may also enjoy these posts...

Bridal Shower 101

Invitations 101

We Are Family