15 Things You Don’t Have to Do at Your Wedding
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Friday, August 6th 
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Weddings can feel like they come with so many rules. You have to do this, don’t forget to do that. But you know what? Those rules don’t apply to you. Here’s a list of things you absolutely do not have to do at your wedding.
You don’t have to:
1: Wear white.
Wear red, orange, zebra stripes, feathers, sequins, whatever suits your fancy.
2: Have floral centerpieces.
Make terrariums, pile up vegetables, use action figures (robot wedding anyone?)–whatever stirs your chili.
3: Eat from a big tiered cake.
Eat cakes, candy, cupcakes, or have a dessert bar. You don’t have to serve bubble-gum flavored fondant-covered cake… unless you want to.
4: Register for gifts.
Maybe this is a second wedding. Or you both have full households. Perhaps you just prefer the thrill of picking out and purchasing your own stuff. You don’t have to register. Set up a honeymoon fund or ask for donations to your favorite charity instead.
5: Look like Barbie or a beach bunny.
Look like you (but better). Don’t overdo it on the tanning bed or the bootcamp or the make up.
6: Make your bridal party wear matching outfits.
Having everyone match is so passé. Your pregnant sister will really appreciate not having to finagle keeping a navy strapless number from falling down just as much as your friend with the supermodel body will like not wearing a floor length gown when she could be showing off her gams.
7: Get married by an officiant (ordained or otherwise).
Did you know that in Colorado, couples can self-solemnize–marry themselves without an officiant? If you would really like a friend, parent, or even the family dentist to perform your ceremony, it’s an easy process to get ordained online… but they don’t have to.
8: Give away the bride.
Give yourself away. Or keep yourself. Or pull from the pirate playbook and walk right up to that groom and take him for yourself.
9: Toss the bouquet or garter.
Look, all the single ladies might like shakin’ it to Beyonce while fighting over flowers to dry and make potpourri out of, but maybe they don’t. Maybe men don’t like fighting over a piece of cloth attached to a sweaty leg for hours. (Oh, who are we kidding, they probably like it, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it).
Would your traditionalist parents shake their heads and cluck their tongues if you didn’t? Give ‘em something to really disapprove of by making the boys fight over the bouquet and letting the girls duke it out for the garter (you rebel, you!).
10: Stand with the bride on the groom’s left.
Stand where you like: right, left, upside down. Your guests might really appreciate it if you turned to face them and–for the first wedding ever–they were able to see the bride and grooms happy faces instead of the back of their heads.
11: Have a veil.
Wear a crown of flowers instead. Have Sara Gabriel cover a comb in giant feathers (she did it for my best friend’s wedding, she’ll do it for you!). Wear a hat. Or dare to wear your pretty hair all on its own.
12: Make it a fancy and dressed up affair.
Look, I’m a traditionalist when it comes to weddings. I like excuses to dress up but some folks just can’t hang with that.
If jeans and flip flops are more your speed go with it. Free your guests from having to find an appropriate outfit. Especially if your wedding is up a mountainside. Tell everyone “wear hiking boots!” so no one is dangerously clomping about in stilettos. If you are like me and you wanna go fancy, go all out–make it a costume party even if it isn’t Halloween.
13. Do a first dance or individual dances.
Dance parties are a-okay. Take a cue from a bride I recently worked with who is close to both her father and step-father: she started on the floor dancing with just her bad self, and then had her two dads cut in on each other, taking turns dancing with her.
14: Have a bridal shower or bachelor(ette) parties.
If you hate games, don’t play them. It’s one less thing to organize and one less gift your friends have to pony up the dough for.
15: Have a guest book.
What about a “wishing well” instead where guests can write down their well wishes and place them into a jar or box to open later like a wedding fortune cookie?
One of my dearest friends had terminal cancer and had her wedding guests write their well wishes on a piece of fabric instead of in a book. Later, those pieces of fabric were turned into a quilt. Although she lost her battle last year, it gave her and her husband great comfort to be surrounded by the love and warmth of a quilt full of happy thoughts through those last difficult months.
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Nina Barry
Cori Cook
Lockerpartners
Julie Sandusky
Leah M. Charney
Katelyn Simkins
Continental "Divine"
Danny de Zayas
i think it’s essential to have most of those… :/
it’s better, the only thing i didn’t have at my wedding was guests i went all out with the food and the cake wearing white & the veil, i don’t see how anyone can go without wearing white its so tacky to wear red or blue… its tradition…
@alison: the only thing you didn’t have at your wedding was guests? what?
i don’t think it’s tacky to forgo the white dress–i think it’s a great idea. it’s not for everyone but some people have more fun making their own traditions than following someone else’s!
@Alison @Therestoftheworld
Weddings are about you and your lover, and sharing that you two have found each other (or not if you don’t want to share)! If you two lovebirds are geeks and want to wear robot outfits and give vows in binary then so be it. If you two want to be super traditional and enjoy the old traditions then so be it too! However again I say Weddings are between you and your lover! NO ONE ELSE! So shove off with your oppressive wedding thoughts…
how about a wedding where everyone including the guests wear white.
we had vegan whoopie pies instead of a cake at our wedding. our friend brought them in from the factory in pennsylvia – yum
The everyone wears white idea is rockin’. That would have been an excellent addition to this list.
Some friends of mine had been together for 10+ years when they decided to tie the knot (I think it was a 40th birthday present, if I’m not mistaken). They asked everyone to wear white and encouraged the ladies to wear their OWN wedding dresses! The photos alone are priceless.
I think that rules are to be broken,and guess what…i think there briliant.why allways the same clisee wedding? be fresh and mind ur own wishes for that day and no one elses.great! i will take ur advise
heh i am having my wedding on halloween and people are encouraged to come dressed in costumes…so far i have a drag queen a klingon a cleric for haustuer and a cheesey bela legosi vampire for my wedding.I do have the pretty white dress but my shoes are stripey socks and combat boots…thank you so much for pointing out its my day and i don’t have to be traditional.
I wore purple, I had no music except the sounds of the forest, I was married in the middle of a forest, the guests provided the food and bought no gifts. There was no dancing, we all sat on the grass and had a picnic after the ceremony. We had a mountain of profiteroles for a wedding cake. Best.Wedding.EVER! (for me)
Your wedding sounds just perfect HoneyM
It is up to the couple what they want to do and no one else. Wear rainbow if you want to! I think if you are getting too caught up in the details then you are forgetting the real reason why you are getting married, which is to declare your love to each other for now and hopefully forever.
As some one in the wedding industry, I must say that a wedding is about the 2 people getting married. They can put their own personality/spin/touch – what ever you want to call it – into their wedding and their friends and family will appreciate that it is WHO THEY ARE. Whether that be a change in dress color or a new tradition rather than those you expect….OWN your WEDDING! You probably paid for at least a portion of it!
Themed events are super-popular right now…and having the bridesmaids all wear the same color but in different styles to match their different bodies has definitely gotten to be more regular…so why not?
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I love this post!
My father actually refuses to give me away. He believes I am not property to be handed off to someone else.
I love the idea of writing wishes on pieces of fabric though I’m really sorry to hear about your friend.
I love this article because rules are definitely made to be broken. On my wedding candle site the common theme is that flowers are optional. You do not have to have them at your wedding. The bottom line is that this is your day and you can do whatever you want. It may even be more cost effective as well.
Hello, I love your article, I hope you don’t mind, but I have added a link to it, from my facebook page.
I am a Marriage Celebrant in Perth, Western Australia.
Warmest regards
Kathryn
Here’s a 16th thing you don’t have to do:
Have a wedding at all.
I definitely agree that brides don’t have to wear white. I love it when a bride choses a completely different colour and I’ve seen loads on wedding dresses lately in deep reds that look stunning!